I Blame Myself

Clearly, state your intention and save me the confusion
Tell me the truth, what is it you want? don’t give me an illusion
Have me thinking I’m crazy when you’re the problem,
have me weak, have me vacant, thinking what even happened.

What changed, did I do something?
“Oh my days, how do I fix this?”
In reality, there’s nothing to fix,
You always knew that it would end like this
You always knew that you didn’t want me, strung me along, you got what you wanted
You always knew that you would leave, you left the scars, a broken heart- deadly disease

But I blame myself for being naive, I blame myself for letting you in.
I blame myself for the crave for affection, to want to love, be loved and feel that perfection

I blame myself, maybe I am the problem
I should love myself and not let this happen
Now to build up walls that are not easily broken
To become something I’m not in the name of protection

So if you think that I’ve changed, it’s possibly true
I never wanted to become this person, but I felt I had to
I had to inflict the pain that I was feeling inside
To those who dared to love me and stand by my side

Cause when my heart broke, it also turned to stone
Incapable of love, to live this life alone
It’s a cycle of life, and like the cycle of life there’s a beginning and an end,
And like the beginning of time a woman deceived, resulted in pain

And I blame myself for being deceived
I blame myself for letting you in
I blame myself for the crave of affection, to want to love, be loved and feel that perfection

Because look where it took me, my morals are compromised
I’m not who I was, I’m drowning in lies
That’s all I know now, it’s who Ive become inside
But I blame myself for it all, cause I chose to love and was led to this life.

 

~Benedicte Mabika

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